Publictakeover's Weblog

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

It’s amazing how my life and my mind just run down like water down a rain spout and I’m at the bottom at the same time I’m at the top, but I’m really always at the bottom, the end, before I even get started! Rode the blue mountain bike to work and back. Feel like I’m falling forward onto my hands when I ride that thing.

Worked overtime four hours, including going up to the cafeteria and waiting twenty minutes for Claude to grill a thick, succulent salmon steak to perfection, and eating it, which took another twenty minutes. Then I went through a box of files from Martha Stewart’s family trust fund. Her real name is Martha Steryka. It seemed as if there was a huge flurry of activity as far as transferring her assets before she went to prison for illegal stock trades.

Every day the sorrow and disgust over the dissipation of the American character and culture becomes more and more sickening. Working at Weil just makes me feel more and more guilty all the time because, not only am I profiting from the unbridled greed and economic gluttony of my employers and their clients, but I do virtually nothing to help those less fortunate than myself, which is 99% of the humanity.

I sit around Mark’s office at Weil, surfing the internet and taking care of my personal business, paroxysms of fear, anger and helplessness surging through my consciousness because of the state of our politics and our social fabric, because of the people with no job, no money, no health care, and little look forward to. I think about kids living in ghetto apartments where the tv is always on. I think about my failures to write, to teach, to grow food.

No one has joined Peace Action Manhattan from watching my show. It’s a perfect zero.

Man, is that discouraging.